Alright now boys and girls we've got another story for you now!
  We want to introduce to you another friend of the Bible!
    Hell yeah
  Hell yeah
  Hell yeah
  Hell yeah
    If I were God there would be no explicit sex on T.V.
  Like little Opie eating pie when he made it with Aunt Bea
    If I were God thou shall not worship false Billy Idols
  And thou shall add the Book Of Flavor Flav to the Bible
  Thou shall make fun of Hindus thou shall not make a "Speed 2"
  If I were God that's what I'd do Heavens no
    Hell yeah
  Hell yeah
  Hell yeah
  Hell yeah
    If I were God I'd get a bunch of slaves to do everything
  Norwegian lesbians that feed me grapes and know how to sing
    If I were God thou shall not wear tube socks with Flip-Flops
  Thou shall sit and thou shall spin thou shall even wife swap
  Thou shall resist the Olsen Twins, thou shall not cut "Footloose"
  If I were God that's what I'd do, Heavens no
    Hell yeah
  Hell yeah
  Hell yeah
  Hell yeah
    And when they nail my pimpled ass to the cross
  I'll tell them I found Jesus that should throw them off
  He goes by the name Jesus and steals hubcaps from cars
  Oh Jesus can I borrow your crowbar?
  To pry these God damn nails out they're beginning to hurt
  Crucified and all I got was this lousy T-shirt
  "I Can't Believe It's Not Butter!" I'll sing as I'm flogged
  Yeah that's what I would do if I were God
  So vote for me for Savior and you'll go to Heaven
  Your lame duck Lord is like Kevin Spacey in "Seven"
  With creepy threats of H-E-Double-Hockey-Stick
  You just can't teach an old God new tricks
  But would I be a good Messiah with my low self-esteem?
  If I don't believe in myself would that be blasphemy?
  Just sport some crummy "holier than thou" facade
  Yeah that's what I would do if I were God