I am into showbiz, I am a road manager
  D'ya know a sexy chick? I got a pass for her
  Touring can be boring, but not for me
  You got to entertain yourself, I got a special hobby:
  
  I fuck with the support band, I remember when
  We had a shitty little group, called "Freak Kitchen"
  I'm always in the mode for, let's say, any kind of dope
  I asked the drummer if he wanted some, but he said "nope"
  
  Well I couldn't believe what I just heard
  The drummer of this group was this astonishing nerd
  The singer and guitarist and the bass player as well
  If I only had the guts I'd tell em: go to hell!
  
  Instead I turned around and asked a guy from the crew
  To go and get a girl that we all can screw
  You see, I an asshole and a real hypocrite
  And my wife and kids don't know hippo-shit
  
  I rather be a jerk, than being hip like you
  I rather be a jerk, than do the shit you do
  I rather be a jerk, than snort 'til I turn blue
  I rather be a jerk, I rather be a jerk
  
  An orgy a day keeps the Mrs away
  I'm a road manager in a giant ashtray
  And when my conscience knocks on the door
  I bury myself in horse as a cure
  And a prostitute, then I shoot some more
  
  I rather be a jerk, than being hip like you
  I rather be a jerk, than do the shit you do
  I rather be a jerk, than snort 'til I turn blue
  I rather be a jerk, I rather be a jerk