Whiskey Man's my friend, he's with me nearly all the time
  He always joins me when I drink, and we get on just fine
    Nobody has ever seen him, I'm the only one
  Seemingly I must be mad, Insanity is fun
  If that's the way it's done
    Doctors say he just a figment of my twisted mind
  If they can't see my Whiskey Man they must be going blind
    Two men dressed in white collected me two days ago
  They said there's only room for one and Whiskey Man can't go
    Whiskey Man will waste away if he's left on his own
  I can't even ring him 'cause he isn't on the phone
  Hasn't got a home
    Life is very gloomy in my little padded cell
  It's a shame there wasn't room for Whiskey Man as well
    Whiskey Man's my friend, he's with me nearly all the time
  He always joins me when I drink, and we get on just fine
  Just fine