I am a simple goat
  I live on the back of a pick-up truck
  The Old Man tied me here with a 3-foot rope
  Am I happy he don't give a fuck
  He's filled with anger, and filled with rage
    And tells me I smell like piss
  His drink, Jimmy Bean
  His chaser, a bear
  After that, various alcohols
  That's when the beatings get so severe
    Asleep I pray he falls
  But don't feel sorry for me
  Things weren't always this bad
  Why, when I was a young talking goat
  The Old Man was just like my dad
    I come from the hills of Europe
  That's where I met the Old Man
  He was lost in the woods, I gave him directions
  He gave me a tuna can
    Then he stopped in his tracks
  And he said, "Hey Goat!
  Would you like to live with me?
  I've got a house with a pick-up truck
  In a place across the sea"
  I said, "Sure, why not, I've got no family
  You seem like a nice guy"
    So we went off to America
  The home of the apple pie
  On the boat, the Old Man told me
  I would be a present for his wife
  "A talking goat!" he exclaimed,
  "She'd never seen this in her life"
  I felt so special!
    Well, I just couldn't believe it
  After all theses years I finally had a friend
  He trimmed my beard
  He scraped my hooves
  I prayed it would never end
    But when we got to his house
  There was no wife
  Only a short, short letter
  It said: "I'm leaving you for your broher
  Because he fucks me better"
  His eyes filled with tears of sadness
  His heart was filled with grief
    To soothe himself he drank a pint of Old Granddad
  And beat me like a side of beef
  I screamed, "Send me back to the hills of Europe!"
  He just shook his head and said, "Nope!
  No one will ever leave me again
  To make sure, put on this 3-foot fucking rope."
    Present day, I've been on the truck for 51 years
  My only friend is the AM radio
  Sometimes the neighborhood children stop by
  But it's always rocks and beer bottles they throw
    At first they're excited to see a talking goat
  They gather around to hear what I have to say
  But I guess sometimes my stories go ont too long
  So they leave and giggle I need a bidet
    But you know there was a night that I did get off the truck
  When the Old Man was passed out drunk
  Three neightborhood kids took me to a rock 'n roll concert
  The kind of music, old-school funk
  It was the first time I got off the truck
  The music made me lose control
    The lead singer asked if we were having fun
  I said, "Fucking crank that rock 'n roll!"
  The women at the show were beautiful
  As they danced sexily on the soft grass
  One of them even petted my fur
  Fuck me in the goat-ass!
    Then some long-haired guys grabbed me by the horns
  And threw me in the mosh pit
  They passed me around and treated me nie
  Till I nerviously sprayed them with shit
  Then the music stopped
  And everything was quite
  And all the rock 'n rollers started a fucking goat-riot
    Kill the goat!
  Kill the goat!
  Kill the goat!
  Kill the goat!
    They chased me under the bleachers
  They chased me onto the street
  They chased me into an alley
  And said I was a dead fucking goat meat
  But then I saw a sight
  That I never thought I'd see
    The Old Man swinging his hickory stick
  But he wasn't swinging at me
  "Fuck you, pot-smoking turkeys!
  Don't you press your luck!"
    The long hairs ran away screaming
  As I scrambled onto the truck
  When we got home, the Old Man said,
  "Goat, you broke the sacred law
  No! Please! Sorry! Shit!
  I'll let it go this time, but if you leave again
  I'll break your fucking jaw!"
  Super! Great! Okay!
    "Thank you Old Man, for saving my life
  Thank you again and again
  You could have let them barbeque me,
  But you acted like a friend"
    "I'm not your friend, I don't even like you
  I'm just not drunk," he said
  To prove his point, he drank a bottle of grain alcohol
  And beat the fucking shit out of my tailbone
  And I'll probably never walk straight again
    I guess you'd call me a scapegoat
  A punching bag for the Old Man to mock
  Just because his wife left him
  For his brother's abnormally large cock
    He could have been my buddy
  But instead he's a crazy old fuck
  And, once again, I go to sleep in my eternal home
  The back of the pick-up truck
    Goodnight, Old Man!
  Yeah, goodnight Goat!