Plastic dolls in plastic bags
  Macho dildos buying shags
  When the coppers they appear
  In the market you can hear
    Tell me Doctor can I buy it
  Tell me Doctor can you supply it
  Spunky cardboard magazines
  You can see it in his jeans
  Is it soft or is it hard
  It's been seen in Scotland Yard
    Tell me Doctor can I buy it
  Tell me Doctor can you supply it
  Tell me are you getting it
  Tell me are you having it
    Doctor Porno, Doctor Porno
  Fruity stories veggie looks
  I thought I'd read it all in books
  Here comes Sally she's a tenner
  Lay some plates and we'll have dinner
    Tell me Doctor can I buy it
  Tell me Doctor can you supply it
  Tell me are you getting it
  Tell me are you having it
  Doctor Porno, Doctor Porno
  Tell me are you getting it
  Tell me are you having it
    Doctor Porno, Doctor Porno
  You want something that will make you horny
  Well have a look at this while I speak to Tony
  I've got what you want but it's in the van
  I know you're a naughty man
    Mandy, Margeret, French and sags
  You don't get this on teletext
  Naked women naked men
  Take one daily and come again
    Tell me Doctor can I buy it
  Tell me Doctor can you supply it
  Tell me are you getting it
  Tell me are you having it
  Doctor Porno, Doctor Porno
    Some come in cos they've been told
  It's all kosher bought and sold
  Yes I think this ones for you
  You don't want one you need two
    Tell me Doctor can I buy it
  Tell me Doctor can you supply it
  Tell me are you getting it
  Tell me are you having it
  Doctor Porno, Doctor Porno
    You want something that will make you horny
  Well have a look at this while I speak to Tony
  I've got one for you but it's in the van
  I know you're a naughty man