Look
  If you had
  One shot
  To sit on your lazy butt
  And watch all the TV you ever wanted
  Until your brain turned to mush
  Would you go for it?
  Or just let it slip?
  Yo
    Remote is ready
  Eyes wide, palms are sweaty
  There's Flintstones on the TV already
  Wilma 'n' Betty
  No virgin to channel surfin'
  And I'm HD-ready
  So I flip
  Garbage is all I'm getting
    There's Simon Cowell
  Who folks wanna disembowel
  He opens his mouth
  Always says something foul
  They're dyin', wow
  Wannabes are crying now
  He votes them out
  Time to throw in the towel
    Shows based on reality
  Oh, the humanity!
  Oh, Ozzy's family
  Sho' loves profanity
  Whoa, the insanity
  Oh, dogs that crap and pee
  Home of depravity?
  No, they live happily
  Yo
    Plus "Da Ali G Show"
  And "Celebrity Mole"
  Oh, and there's Anna Nicole
  Well, she's scaring me
    "Look ma, no cavities"
  Oh, it's a station break
  Better go out to the kitchen and microwave something
    "You're gonna lose your mind watchin' TV" They told me, they'd scold me
  But I'd still tune in every show (show)
  My cable gets C-SPAN, TV-Land, and HBO
  The Travel Channel, Discovery, and Lifetime (yo)
    "You're gonna lose your mind watchin' TV"
  They told me, cajoled me, "Turn off those music videos" (no)
  I'm gonna watch C-SPAN, TV-Land, and HBO
  The History Channel and QVC and Lifetime (yo)
  (You're gonna)
    My butt is aching
  As I watch NASCAR racing
  That show about undertaking
  Larry King
  To "24" to "Law And Order"
  The Weather Channel's boring like "60 Minutes"'s ancient reporters
  Next up on "E! True Hollywood Story"
  The rise and decline of twelve actors named Corey
    Shows for next fall, they've already been namin'
  "CSI: Boise" and "Touched By An Uncle" both sound pretty lame 'n'
  So does "Everybody Tolerates Raymond"
  And "King of Queens" jumped the shark the first minute
  I can't believe Richard Simmons ain't in it
    I'll move right on to "8 Simple Rules For Dating My Teenaged Daughter"
  Then I bet
  I watch "The Bachelorette"
  Followed by "Welcome Back, Kotter"
  And "The Muppet Show" where they go 'Mahna Mahna'
    "You're gonna lose your mind watching TV"
  They told me, they'd scold me
  But I'd still tune in every show (show)
  My cable gets C-SPAN, TV-Land, and HBO
  The Disney Channel and A&E and Lifetime (yo)
    "You're gonna lose your mind watching TV"
  They told me, cajoled me
  But I still love Lisa Kudrow (drow)
  I'm looking at C-SPAN, TV-Land, and HBO
  The Playboy Channel and Court TV and Lifetime (yo)
  (You're Gonna)
    Never missed "Melrose Place" or "Lost In Space"
  I've seen each "Amazing Race" and "Without A Trace"
  But I only watched "Will And Grace" one time one day
  Wish I hadn't 'cause TiVo now thinks I'm gay
    Oh, and "Fear Factor" I watched maybe a half hour
  After that, felt like I needed a long shower
  Network execs with naked ambitions
  "Next week on FOX, watch lions eat Christians"
    Like to tie up those programming planners
  Make 'em watch all of that junk 'til their heads explode just like "Scanners"
  Leech-covered grub-eatin' fools on "Survivor"
  Look there's James Lipton discussing the oeuvre of Mr. Rob Schneider
    And there's "Gilligan" and "SpongeBob", plus there's "MacGyver"
  And Jay Leno has got Madonna, hey there's Luke Perry on a
  Special all Pig-Latin episode of "Drew Carey"
    Wanna turn on "E.T." 'cause I'm a gossip freak
  And I gotta know who J. Lo is marryin' this week
  A 30 second spot
  Then we come back to "Are You Hot?"
  I was planning on recording "The Sopranos"
  I forgot
    I love shows with or without a plot
  I'll stare 'til my legs are numb, my eyes bloodshot
  Because I only have got
  One brain to rot
  I'm gonna spend my life watching television a lot
    "You're gonna lose your mind watching TV"
  They told me, they'd scold me
  But I'd still tune in every show (show)
  My cable gets C-SPAN, TV-Land, and HBO
  The Sci-Fi Channel and AMC and Lifetime (yo)
    "You're gonna lose your mind watching TV"
  They told me, cajoled me, "Turn off that Oprah Winfrey show" (no)
  I got it on C-SPAN, TV-Land, and HBO
  The Learning Channel and MTV and Lifetime (yo)
  (You're gonna)
    You can watch anything you want to, man