Neighbours, nobody loves you like we do.
  Neighbors, your government has triumphed in finally making you a public fit
  for the 21st century.
  Never before has a governing body shown so much concern for the economic
  well-being of its subjects.
  Today we have insulated you from countless factions who threathens your
  financial viability; such as the poor; the idealistic foreigners still
  clinging to their childish notions of social welfare; why, you're even kept
  uninformed of useless propagandist journalism that reports alleged
  violations of human rights (We all know they wouldn't have been punished if
  they hadn't been doing something wrong!!). And who better to dispens such
  blantently evident factoids but a self-appointed authority like myself?
  Acid Rain is a thing of the past... Too many possible causes, too little
  signifigance for our modern thinking public, besides industrial
  manufacturing is at an all time low anyway, who needs those narrow minded
  laborers anyway. Too many mouths to feed, and to many burden on the pay
  roll! Who needs 'em? Here in the land of the free-time. Someother ass
  back-ward country will give us what we need by exploiting its uneducated
  children.
  The Internet has expanded our ability to pacify average americans better
  than ever by offering fantastical adventures to every corner of the
  imagination. Your home office is the window to your world, and the heart of
  your social life. Such reclusive behaviour helps clear the roads and public
  works from overburden like the lower middle-class and others who depend
  shamelessly on their government. Today you are freer than ever to do what
  you want, provided you can pay for it!
  Remeber, the first word in USA is US
  We have arrived neighbours, we are the priviliged elite!