Yell help, too many cooks and a bird in the bush, yell help
  Yell help, if your mirror busts and your cat gets cussed, yell help
  'Cause down the road you find someone else who's looking
  Down the road you find another sweet lady cooking
  So I gotta yell help
    Yell help, some shelter from the storm like the travel agent warned
  Yell help, if you can help your superstitions they gonna keep you warm
  'Cause down the road you find someone else who's looking
  Down the road you seen another sweet lady cooking
  So I gotta yell help
    I wish tonight wasn't Wednesday night
  I wish it wasn't the thirteenth of July, yell help
  And you're looking at the guy whose eyes can't deny
  That he wishes he were somewhere else tonight
    Well I met this woman down in New Orleans
  Lord she built just like a dream
  Even wore stockings that had seams
  And she was ugly
    Now hell I don't mind women of her kind
  I'll even pay sometimes for a woman that's ugly
    She built like a steamroller
  Just the kind to mow you over anytime
  Hey the moment might arrive
    On bourbon street
  Well the ugliest woman you'll ever meet
  But she's mine all mine and she's ugly
  So I better yell help