What the hell is wrong with me? I'm not who I want to be
  I tired spot cream an' I tried it all I'm crawling up the wall!
    What's my name naaaame...naaaame....naaaame....
    I tried to join a ping-pong club, sign on the door said all full up!
  I got nicked, fighting in the road an' the judge didn't even know
    What's my name
    Dad go pissed so I got clocked
  Couldn't hear the Tannoy so he lost the lot
  Offers Mum a bribe through the letter box
  Drives you fucking mad
    What's my name
    Now I'm round the back of your house at night
  Peeping in the window - are you sleeping tight?
  I laugh at your locks with my celloid strip
  An' you won't know who came
    What's my name